forevermeg (forevermeg) wrote,
forevermeg
forevermeg

i should be smiling.. so why do i feel like crying?

I got the job at Sears. On my first try. It was the first time that I had gone in for an interview anywhere, or even had actually tried to get the job or done anything pass filling out an application online.

So why then am I disappointed?

Perhaps it has something to do with the paycheck? Entry level positions only get you $6.20 an hour. What a joke. That is what I was making when I left Burger King. And this is part time, so les than 25 hours a week. Which means only $500 a month.

My bills are $500 a month.

Bye bye luxuries. Bye bye shopping. Bye bye eating out. Bye bye the days of not having to worry about my finances.

Hello to the world of being a penniless college student.

Can I go back to being 6 yet?

I feel so ungrateful. I prayed that I would get this job, any job, and now that I have it, all I can do is complain? Somebody knock some sense into this head of mine. It's just... for me... scraping by will never do. I want to come out on top. I will not deal with failure. And right now, I feel like one. I don't know why, but I just do.

Sigh.

I'll get raises as time goes by. And as Mom and Dad told me, I'm not signing anything in blood. I don't have to stay there if I don't want to. I can move on if I find something better. But it's always hard for me to walk away from a job, no matter how much I might hate it. That's how I managed to stay working at Burger King for a year and a 1/2, and why I was at Menlo a year. I don't walk away from things. I don't abandon my duty.

I think too much.

Go to Sears on Tuesday. Fill out the paper. Get the job. Start working. Bring home the measly paycheck. Pay bills. Keep on looking for a better job. Graduate from college and get a better job.

Fulfill my dreams and touch the stars.
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