December 16th, 2009

Turning Worries into Blessings

Last night I settled down into bed with a headache born of stress, anxiousness, and drama. At that point I just wanted the day to end and my mind to settle down so I could fall into blissful sleep. I had gotten a book down off my shelf to read, in order to "calm my mind," but even as I laid back with the book in my hand, the realization came over me that the book wasn't what I needed. I needed to pray.

How many times do I, do all of us, turn to ordinary measures, expecting them to do extraordinary things? We drink coffee, read books, take a walk, watch a movie... for me, I get in the bathtub and let the bubbles smooth my frazzled nerves.

Yet before I even put one toe in the water, should I turn to the One who made those nerves in the first place, and can un-frazzle and smooth out every one?

With this realization hanging in front of me, I laid the book aside, turned off the light, closed my eyes, and had one of the deepest, most personal moments with the Lord that I think I've ever had. Pouring out every hurt, frustration, worry, and fear, I told him of every feeling within my bruised heart. Then, I stopped asking "Why did this happen?" and started asking "What can I learn?"

"How are you going to use this experience for my good?"

"How can I rely on You in a completelyduring this?"

"Show me, Lord. Open me, Lord, Use me, Lord."

There is a reason for it all. Even though it all seems to be happening at once, one giant snowball of a problem, I know.. yes... I KNOW that God has a plan and a purpose. My plans don't matter, no matter how organized they might be. All the matters is trusting Him through it all. Completely. With EVERYTHING.

"Everything" leaves nothing out.

Last night I took all the worries storming around me and turned them into blessings, into prayers of thanksgiving to God for allowing me to have an opportunity to show Him my love.

You see, that's really what we're doing when we trust God. We're loving Him. If we trust Him more, we love Him more. Oh Lord, let me love You in abundance.

And in everything, let me give you thanks.. in EVERYTHING.

Even in this.

Especially in this.

Amen.... "Your will be done."

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